There is a girl I became acquainted with during my study abroad in Japan back in 2009. She seemed a little eccentric at the time when I met her at my exchange university but I didn't think much about it until recent events. As I look back now I still am unable to pinpoint what drove her to become so disconnected with reality. She didn't seem like the type that would be unable to distinguish reality and fantasy. Nevertheless, she apparently is in a condition where merely telling her what reality is isn't enough to change her mind.
Hyejin is Korean and studied abroad at the same university during the same season at Yokohama National University as I did. I don't recall the first time we met but I wouldn't put is past her to remember specifics from our first encounter. Even as I received email from her recently she recalled events between us that I had long forgotten. To be honest, I never thought of her as someone I wanted to date let alone attractive. I intentionally emphasize with curtness to showcase Hyejin's psyche.
I cannot remember for certain that she made her feelings known to me while we were in Japan. However, I make it a point that I never expressed any form of admiration toward her other than we would occasionally chat if we ran into each other at school. I had no problem with that. What started to worry me were things that happened after I returned home to America. After returning home we were not surprisingly friends on facebook and Skype. I believe it was spring and summer of 2010 where she started describing to me her feelings about me. Frankly I was not very happy or appreciative of the matter albeit I tried to be kind in my rejection of her feelings toward me. She didn't seem to get the whole respecting other people's wishes social contract that I happen to value a lot. So after hours of trying to explain this via email, chat, and talking I decided to cut her off from my social networks. I ignored her emails and thought that she would get the picture after a while.
If I had only known that she wasn't going to get the picture I would have never followed up with her. It had been about 4 months or so before I tried to reach out to her just to see how she was doing. She seemed more normal in the aftermath and responded to emails concisely and not very timely (which was appreciated). But that all changed about a week ago. I received a longer email in English from her updating me about her job hunting and she related to me something we talked about in Japan which was not abnormal and well I wasn't creeped out at it, so that was nice. But the very next day she sent me an email that started a tornado of craziness that hopefully ended a few days ago.
To summarize, she sent me something to the effect that she had a dream and I was to buy her a ring from Tiffanys and that she was excited about our upcoming marriage!? WTF, right? Wait it gets better... So I responded promptly saying congrats to the job hunting thing and told her that the ring thing doesn't make any sense. I got a call during work the next day I assumed was from Japan but ignored it... because I was working. I got home and another message from Hyejin said something like I tried calling you, where are you, I wanna hear your voice, I wanna get that ring from Tiffanys I saw in my dream and
crazy stuff like that. I knew now that I needed to try and put and end to this. This is exactly what I wrote back to her in English:
Hyejin,
I don't know what you are talking about.
Maybe you can explain what you mean about this ring stuff.
I hope you understand that I'm not going to be with you.
We are friends. But we will only ever be friends.
Hope you can understand me. Sometimes I think you live in a different world than me.
Let me know what you are doing but try and live in reality.
Tyler
I was trying to be civil about the whole thing and that's when the phone calls started coming. Shortly after I sent this I started receiving foreign phone calls frequently. I ignored the first about 5 and then I got on Skype and decided to try and talk to her. I was suppose to go golfing early in the morning with some co-workers keep in mind. But I ended up talking at this girl for about an hour and a half and it was about 1:30 before I got to bed. At first I was trying to be nice but by the end I was saying anything I thought would wake her up. It progressed from I am not attracted to you, to I don't like you, to I hate you. Sadly friends, there are no
avails in this horror episode. After I got off Skype my phone was getting calls every hour through the entire night. I ignored them all but was too drained to get up early for golf. The calls continued throughout the day and I would periodically answer them and speak my frustrations. That night I turned my phone off so I could get to decent sleep. Even to my surprise when I turned on my phone in the morning my voice inbox was full and the robot said I had 45 saved messages! Cue the Psycho music.
I listened to every last one of those messages with some Japanese friends because she was leaving the messages mostly in Japanese. At one point a teller from Tiffanys leaves a message saying that your wife needs information from you to buy this ring here. Ring? Wife?! Yeah, that was message about 22 of 45. As my friend Yuka and I were listening to the messages
miraculously a phone call comes from her. Yuka answered it and told her I was in the shower and Hyejin says, So?! Who is this? Yuka tells her she heard about Hyejin and relayed the message that I didn't want her to call anymore. Hyejin hung up on Yuka. She called again about 5 minutes later instructing me to give her her stuff back?? Note: She is still in Korea and I am still in America during this whole fiasco. That was the last time someone answered her call on my phone. I got a few weird calls in Korean after that but it's been almost 2 days now since the calls. I called my service provider and they have supposedly blocked international calls and I haven't received any emails so I'm praying this is over.
I feel bad for her more so than anger because I know she is not all the way there. She needs help and it's not my responsibility but I hope her family and friends do something to help her. I thought about what I could've done to prevent this but I realize that people have problems like these and sometimes you can't really do anything about it. But for my sanity and hers I have decided never to correspond with her again.